F is for….

When I’m showering, or biking, or doing just about anything where my mind is allowed to wander, I am a fantastic writer. It all goes downhill when I sit down to actually create anything. I guess it takes me back to why I changed this blog – to practice writing and get better at this creation process in the format I’m most comfortable, creatively speaking. I’ve failed at keeping up with this blog, but it has been in favor of living life and having a few new adventures. Still, the “f” word looms with my writing and so much more. Perhaps this is writing as catharsis today.

I’m 36 years old. I often love my life and all that I get to do. I love Dan, my cats, my city, and the adventures I’ve found along the way. I wish I could travel more, but I absolutely love that I’ve traveled where I have. I’m blessed to be in a relationship that is a partnership, and that my partner enjoys taking dance lessons enough for it to be a regular thing. So why the FAIL word? It’s more about where I think I should be as a professional and my inability to fulfill those childhood dreams.

I love it when children talk about what they want to be when they grow up. It’s so unfettered by the “plan” of next steps. I want to be a doctor! No worries about test scores or if the child will get into med school. I want to be a performer! This was me. I wanted to sing, dance, and act. I really believed this was my calling. I was also an honors student who excelled in Physics and English in high school. My sophomore English teacher, Miss Huesmann, told my mother that English and my writing would be my ticket to success. I took that to heart since high school was neatly eliminating that “I can be anything I want to be” hope of childhood. Too bad I didn’t have more confidence in my math and science skills (I wasn’t joking about that Physics thing).

So, here I am and still wondering…what DO I want to be when I grow up? Except I’m grown up. Past the age of asking and a BA and MBA into my education with an established career. My new question is “what do I want to do when I retire?” As if, having a career has meant putting all dreams aside or on hold until that magical time when I can pursue them “just for fun.” Still, I can’t shake the feeling I failed that little girl who once saw an interview with Dolly Parton who said that she just knew she was going to make it big, and that little girl said, “me too.” I don’t want to be a famous actress by any means, but that can make me sad because I lost that single vision of a grand dream. In my 20s (and I still do sometimes), I thought of being a writer, and I told people of that dream. I still remember being taken aback when a roommate of a friend asked me one day, “did you start your novel yet?” I didn’t even remember telling him my dream, and I felt shame in saying “no” and knowing that it wasn’t happening anytime soon….possibly ever. 

In theory, failure is something that can be measured and easily ascertained, but in the eyes of the individual who has had dreams unfulfilled, it can lurk in our hearts ready to intrude on the every day successes of life. F may be for the failure to follow the dreams of my childhood but it’s also for the fear that holds us back and dictates that situation. I won’t be a performer on Broadway and I may never write a novel, but I will dance with the love of my life and write a blog for my friends and family to enjoy. I will never be satisfied, so I’m always dreaming new dreams and looking to the next big adventure or challenge. I’ll admire those who follow their lifelong dreams and find inspiration to kill the fear and discover that F is for…

Finally.

Vaca…as in VACATION

As promised, we’re reviving the travel blog. YES! And, Damn, do I need a vacation. For those of you who don’t want to hear my rant and are just waiting for more travel fun, go here.

Why, when I’ve taken up so many new and interesting activities (see my last blog) do I need a vacation so badly? #whitegirlproblems, I assure you. Shame on me, but I couldn’t be choosing a better time to feel the pressure and disappointment. As any respectable yuppie would do, I’m off to the mountains to clear my head and forget it all. No minor aggravation at a short life smartphone battery. No major disappointment for not achieving the professional accomplishments I think I should have. Yep, that’s my #whitegirlproblems in a nutshell. I’m going to go shake it off in the Scandinavian spa in Whistler now.

OH yeah…follow mollyanddanonearth.wordpress.com. There’s a zip line tour in our future. It won’t end in a bog for Dan. These are Canadians running this tour, after all.

Where you been, Girl?!

My Big Bird is NOT political. Just another Muppet I love.

Holy crap. I’m officially not ever going to be good at this blogging thing. Life gets in the way. I can’t believe my last entry was on July 10. So much for once a week or even once every two weeks writing. Looks like I need to change the name of the blog again. I mean, I sat through a hurricane and watched hours of weather news instead of writing. When I realized that, I made the effort to sit down and write.

It’s Halloween. My favorite holiday, and I ran out of candy in 20 minutes. My Big Bird costume was a big hit with the kiddos before I became Disappointing Bird and had to say my candy had run out. If I was the real Big Bird, I would’ve given Mitt a real reason to fire me. The good news is, after a non Halloween in 2011 (when the Big Bird costume was conceived…please note that it was not politically topical at that time), I got to wear a costume for 2012.

Making Big Bird costumes isn’t the only thing either. I mean, that can’t be the only reason I haven’t blogged. I quit roller derby and have all this time so what the hell has kept me from writing?!

1. Dancing Queen & King – Dan and I started taking ballroom lessons from some pretty awesome folks. If you’re in Philly and are even thinking about ballroom, go here: ballroomphiladelphia.com. Brandi and Vuthy are not only great instructors but really awesome people. It’s super fun, and Dan and I are so into it that we are “Bronze” members. We really, really dig it, and Dan is becoming the dancing gent I used to dream of as a kid watching old Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies.
2. Qi Gong my stress away – taught by the amazing and wonderful Fania, I’m loving me some qi gong. It’s super relaxing and energizing, and it keeps me from being mega bitch. It’s early morning at Thrive Pilates which is super close to my office. I’ve also tried some kundalini yoga, and it has had similar relaxing effects on me although I haven’t been quite as good at attending those classes regularly.
3. Aerial Yoga – Speaking of Fania (she’s super duper – no joke), she also teaches some sweet aerial yoga and aerlates (that’s aerial pilates!) in Old City. It’s what you think it is in a hammock suspended from the ceiling. Inversions are awesome (and something I could only dream about doing on the floor in yoga). Classes are in Kaya Wellness Center, a little studio hidden away on Quarry St, so I worry not enough folks are frequenting it to keep it going. If you struggle with yoga on the floor or really wish you could get more from your yoga practice (but your body won’t let you), aerial yoga is for you. You should join me. No joke. Aerlates will kick yo ass, I guarantee.
4. Gym Rat – so in the midst of all of  this, I joined a real gym. Lucky me, the gym that is the closest to my office (Weston Fitness) is renovating right now and part of that is more rooms for more classes, so I now I can take classes morning, afternoon, or evening. I have a great personal trainer named Artie who makes me feel a little like puking once a week. I like going early, honestly. I couldn’t do that with roller derby because I was always on a late night schedule with practices.
5. 

   One speed is all I need to ride my way to a happy commute.

   Biking Hipster – I’ve been accused of being a hipster. I’m not. I live in a neighborhood of hipsters, and I should know. Still, I live in a hipsterhood, and I might pick up some of their better traits. I found the bike I wanted (not any old bike but the ONE I picked out from reviews and online research) on Craig’s List. I bought it. I’ve been biking to work for a little over a week now (I didn’t work during the hurricane, so my bike stayed nice and dry inside). It’s almost as zen-ful as Qi Gong! It’s transformed my commuting experience in the most positive way imaginable. I got hit by a damn car door, and I was back on the bike the next day. I still think the woman who flung her car door into me was a complete idiot, but I don’t have nearly the rage towards her or anyone else I typically have had from my other commutes. The car equals a slow and painful descent into madness (Dan can back me up on this), public transit is decent but anxiety causing, and the bike is commuting nirvana. My bike romance may die down when the weather turns hot, but I have some time to figure out which bike helmet has the greatest head ventilation known to man. For now, I feel so Dutch.

I apologize if I sound a bit like a commercial, but I can’t help it. I just don’t remember finding such joy in new things (or in rediscoveries since that’s what biking and the new gym are). Maybe it’s the Qi Gong, but I’m plain loving everything I’ve been doing. Even better, I’m absolutely enamored and delighted by the people I’m encountering along the way. In the midst of all this new activity, I’ve enjoyed reconnecting with me, Molly (minus the stingray). I was in my dear friend’s wedding (Congratulations to Carrie and Scott!), and I was truly touched to be part of their declaration of lifelong love to each other. I am most definitely getting soft, and I like it.

Wow, I go missing for months and then expect folks to actually make it to the end of this?! I’m done making writing goals. I’ll check in here occasionally. I hope to make it more interesting than this Philly commercial (seriously, though, these places and people  are fantastic). One for sure thing – our travel blog will be revived for our upcoming vacation to Whistler (via Seattle). I can’t wait to blog all aboot it, eh!

The End of an Era

For the few who follow my blog and aren’t my mom, I apologize. I had two close together visits with my mom, and I slacked on the blog since she’s my biggest fan (and I needed to visit with her instead of writing). It’s weak, and not entirely the only reason I haven’t written. For starters, I knew this had to be the next entry, and it was kind of hard to think about writing it.

I quit roller derby. After 5 1/2 years with two leagues and participation on 6 different teams, I’m hanging up my skates. This has been one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made, but I know it’s time. The Philly Roller Girls has amazing new girls who have all the enthusiasm and passion I had for my first 4+ years in roller derby. It’s their time to shine, and while I thought I could still stick around as a veteran with words of wisdom, I realized I’m more or less taking up space on the track. It wasn’t always that way, and I want to take some time to reflect on my time in roller derby, and how it changed me as a person making me stronger, smarter, and giving me a keen understanding of team.

I remember being really happy that I had at least one effective moment.

My first game in roller derby was as an Ohio Roller Girl and Take-Out.

Who’s that roller skating ninja on top?

Being a Take-Out was the best introduction to roller derby a gal could’ve ever had. I broke my arm, and this championship team still drafted me. I recovered from surgery and still got to play the majority of games in my first season. Pippi Ripyourstockings was our fearless leader, and she had great faith in me as a player, and her encouragement has a lot to do with why I stayed in roller derby as long as I did. Overall, we were an awesome team who worked together seamlessly. We were the quintessential team. Together we were amazing and we made each other better players. A little ninja lives forever inside my heart.

I chase down an opposing jammer while playing for Gang Green.

While being a Take-Out was essential to my beginnings as a skater, I had the opportunity to be part of two more teams on OHRG. I’m proud to say I was there and part of the start of Gang Green, Ohio’s b-team. My hard work earned me a brief stint on Ohio’s a-team, and I even played in two games….one against Burning River and another against Boston. I recall the morning after that Boston game. We had lost the night before, and that morning was the worst hangover of my life. Getting there was great fun though especially since I already knew I was leaving my OH gals soon.

Britches at a high point…and immediately before our first ever loss.

Then there was Philly. Talk about intimidating. Coming from a championship home team, I thought I was a perfect fit for the Philthy Britches, PRG’s undefeated championship home team. Fortune would have it that was exactly as it worked out. Being a Britch meant learning how to wear frilly panties with pride.

The Britches were the lesson in the mental game. In that lesson I lost more than I succeeded, but with the team racking up the wins, it made for an interesting lesson that I will carry with me into everything I do.And then there was the Independence Dolls. I’ve never loved being part of a team more than this team. As a Doll, I was the best player I would ever be in roller derby. I captained, I was a leader, I was a follower, I learned, I laughed, and I discovered how unbelievably good it feels to win with a team you absolutely love. I learned that teammates are not always friends, but you can still make magic happen when you work together.

The Dolls close win against the Memphis A-team was one of my favorites.

And then there was the time this happened. The Dolls beat my old team, Gang Green, and it was a proud moment to be able to play against dear friends who had not yet seen how being a Philly Roller Girl changed me. We won a lot as Dolls, but some of our losses are the ones I remember the most. I learned more from those losses and felt closer to my team afterwards. It’s the Dolls that  make me misty eyed when I think of not playing roller derby anymore.

For my last game, I jammed and I liked it.

It seems fitting that my last hurrah was with Philly Block Party. It also seems appropriate that it was in a game where I was successful at beating down my mental demons. I jammed and enjoyed it. The officiating was pitiful, and we lost, but I had a ton of fun playing. You couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. I suppose something inside of me knew it was likely it would be my last game.

Now I move onto new things. Dan and I take those dance lessons we’ve talked about for years. We go camping more. I start Qi Gong on Wednesday morning. Since retiring, I’ve been spending time with friends and family without feeling any guilt over missed practices. I will miss it, and I’ll always be a roller girl at heart, but it’s time for new things too. I guess it’s time to try the trapeze lessons!

Tucson (& knitting) kept me busy

First, I apologize to my mom for not keeping up as promised. I blame knitting for distracting me away from the blog. (That’s not true, but since my mom is the only person who would have noticed I wasn’t keeping up with the blog as promised, it’s the excuse she likes to hear).

The real reason for not keeping up last week was because I traveled to Tucson, AZ for work. It was the second time I’ve been to the Alliance for Massage Therapy Education meeting, and it is, without a doubt, my favorite meeting. I love massage therapists. I also respect the demands of a career in massage, and I know that I could not be a massage therapist. However, massage therapists are still my kind of people, and it does make me question what my next big career change will be. It seems a career in healing and health is in the stars for me, but I just don’t know what that looks like yet. I’ll take some time to explore what would be right for me and play out this whole marketing professional career….for now. I’ve met enough people who have made major career changes late in life to feel calm about not being entirely clear about the path of my career. We live longer now, so we have time to pursue our passions even if they change or if we didn’t quite get it right the first, second, or even third time around. Breathe deeply and remind yourself of that. Watch America’s Got Talent if you don’t believe it’s true.

Enough about careers, passions, and your life calling(s). I went to Tucson! I spent the better part of a week in the super hot and DRY desert, and while it was more pleasant than Phoenix (could’ve been the people – did I mention how much I love being surrounded by massage therapists?), I was still damn uncomfortable. I’m not a desert creature. I am, however, a dessert creature. The extra s makes an immense difference. Tucson has great food too, and it has lots of weird things. Like a giant statue of a lumberjack….in a place with mostly cacti and nary a tree worth a lumberjack.

My, what a big ax you have

Tucson is also home to the most brilliant logo design for waxing services.

An even more clever bumper sticker resided on the vehicle out front, but I didn’t take a photo and completely forget what it said.

No question what you can get waxed here. Perhaps we’ll move from haircuts to waxing for the kitties.

I did go on a morning walk with a new friend (Sarah! who could possibly read this because she’s a brand new Facebook friend and hasn’t been bored by my blog yet). I took a few lovely photos, and Sarah and I took photos of each other by this large cactus but we failed to get a photo together. That was silly.

Luckily I was on Eastern timezone time and getting up at 5 am felt normal.

Where can I find a giant lumberjack to chop down this giant cactus?

So, while I wasn’t writing last week, I was knitting and getting tips from the nicest USAir flight attendant ever, remembering that I love massage therapists, eating lots of good food (always), contemplating career choices and changes, learning to love and appreciate humidity, enjoying old friends and making new ones too, and, finally, enjoying the peace and joy of being home with my love and our furry kids.

Whew, that was fun.

What do beer & HOG have in common?

While I admit that I’m not keeping up with the blogging, I’m not totally slacking on the writing thing. I got to represent Philly Roller Girls in the Hammer of Glory relay which opens Philly Beer Week. Life passions intersect! I wrote a little something for the PRG website instead of blogging about it:
http://phillyrollergirls.com/news/item/291-hog-philly-beer-week-2012

I love to eat (burgers)

Two weeks in, and I’ve figured out that two blogs a week is reasonable. It’s still a challenge, and you won’t always get what I say you will because my intentions may not match up with my energy levels and/or attention span, and I must keep writing. So, you don’t get the Power of Women/Female Bonding post I envisioned as a follow up to the last one. It will come one day but tonight isn’t it.

Instead, it’s all about the burger. Dan and I went to burger club for the first time tonight. It was at Frankford Hall. We spoke to no one associated with burger club (I hate talking to strangers, and Dan just doesn’t care), but we did eat burgers and evaluate over cold beers in the wondrous outdoor setting granted by Frankford Hall.

We both had the Kanzler. I’m not sure why Dan opted for it, but I felt it was the most true to the burger format if I’m evaluating a burger for burger club (if I’m not going to be social, I should at least take this whole rating thing very seriously). The menu describes the Kanzler burger as “dry-aged beef patty, balsamic onions, gruyere, grilled bacon.” When we ordered, we were not asked how we wanted our burger. I also planned on taking lactaid with the gruyere because I felt no cheese may harm the essence of the creation. I should probably clarify that eating is serious business to me (similar to drinking beer), and this is not reserved for burgers alone. The burger arrived well done. The beef was good, so I wished it was medium but perhaps the whole dry-aged thing prevented me from having my medium burger. I would forgive. The best part of this burger was the gruyere and balsamic onions combo – brilliant! The biggest problem with this burger ended up being…..it’s so difficult for me to say this to my beloved….but, um, it was the bacon. Sorry bacon, but you just weren’t necessary on this burger. The bacon seemed like an afterthought and slightly awkward next to the perfectly paired onions and cheese. Dan made the astute observation that this burger needed a crunch. So, bacon, you could’ve been all right if you had been cooked to a crispy crunch and provided more texture than taste. Even a raw onion (in addition to the grilled balsamic onions as those are a keeper for sure) could have given the crunch the burger needed. When I uttered Bobby Flay’s name in our discussion, Dan pointed out that Bobby would put chips on to achieve crunch and Dan liked his ideas better. I agree with Dan although I still think Bobby Flay is the man. All and all, it was a decent burger, but I’d be hard pressed to order another one at Frankford Hall with Kraftwork down the street (BEST burger I’ve had in Philadelphia). I’ll stick with sausage and pretzels with my beers in the future.

I learned how to cast on pretty well after ripping it out and starting over about 8 or so times.

Since I didn’t take a photo of my burger, I’m giving you a photo of my first knitting project instead. This is the other new activity I’ve taken up at nearly the same time I revived this blog. I also just got back from our anniversary weekend in the PA mountains, so I even updated our travel blog!