Why does it matter today? Don’t we look in the mirror every day? Yes, but, today, I looked in the mirror during yoga. And I was amazed by and loving what I saw.
When I think of myself doing yoga, I do think of those other times, through the years, when I caught a glimpse of my body pretending it can do yoga. Do yoga. Where I am now with my yoga journey, that sounds funny. But, for years, I “did yoga” and I had a notion about body type doing yoga. So silly. Not a waif or a dancer or any type I thought should be doing yoga. Because I thought there was a type. But my soul knew better, and I never gave up on it completely. I kept searching.
I never knew you could close your eyes and lose yourself in yoga. Doing yoga meant a watchful eye on the instructor at all times. God forbid if I got off track or didn’t follow along exactly. Kundalini yoga was my first experience of yoga that took me out of doing. Go inward. Close your eyes and listen to the guidance. No different than meditation except I’m moving, and though I’m being guided, it’s more about letting my body take me where it needs to go. I demand so much of my body. Yoga is nourishment for my hard working and dedicated body.
Yoga has become mostly inward reflecting. I know it as the kindest thing I do for my body, but that’s also because I stopped trying to DO yoga. I was at the end of a tough week today, and I was harried when I arrived a mere 1 minute before class. I had emails to answer and work to get back to, but I needed yoga. I would not miss it today.
I’ll give credit – Josh has guided me to stability and balance in classes before. I wasn’t surprised when my tree was stronger than it had been in months. I set an intention of balance thinking of the hectic work I walked away from to make the 7 am class. It came through powerfully on the form of a strong tree that simultaneously felt as light as a feather. But, my tree pose was not what gave me pause today.
I looked in the mirror. It occurred to me to check my warrior 2. Are my shoulders relaxed? My arms even? So I looked. And I loved what I saw. I’m not a waif or a dancer but I finally didn’t believe that was necessary to practice yoga. I looked in the mirror and I was strong and confident – a woman holding a pose that would follow me through the day. I would be the confident warrior for the rest of the day. I stared a little longer. When did I become so powerful in my poses? I remember. I didn’t become powerful. I always was. My mind and what “should be” we’re what held me back. I felt elated and I snuck a few more glances into the mirror.
Was I being vain? No. I was surprised at what I saw and needed to know it was real. I had moved beyond what should be and let my body be in control when I practiced. And, my body liked it. My soul craved it. My mind forgot to question and finally accepted.
I looked in the mirror today and I (finally) loved what I saw. Sat nam.